A year, an other one.
It seems that i only wrote yesterday my last entry.
What happened? a lot, and yet, i feel the same girl, searching for answers, trying to find her path.
I remember, as a kid, always trying to find what was my purpose. I understood very young that i was different, that i was a thinker, a dreamer, a girl who needed more than just what was in front of her. But sometimes i get tired of living this life full of adventures and i feel swallowed in the sea of my emotions.
Emotions, that what keeps me alive, but for a long time now i feel as there is no more passion inside me. It all went out, and this is all because of me.
Sometimes in life we feel we don't deserve to be loved plainly, to be seen for who we are.
I remember being so loved younger. Feeling like i could move all the mountains and cross rivers, oceans. But then life taught me that nothing stay the same, and that one day people may not feel what they felt for you anymore. And that's ok, and that you have to accept it even if it hurts, even if it is unfair.
You have to stay true, you have to know your worth, to love yourself even in the darkest days because you are the only person to be able to love yourself that much. And it's good. It's this part of the ego that is important. Ego is not a demon, it saves you sometimes from difficult relationships, it makes you want more, and it's not always a bad thing. I'm not talking about wanting more money or clothes or anything materialistic, i'm talking of wanting more truth, meaning, freedom, love.
I learnt that i can live on my own, be on my own, and be happy with myself. I learnt that when I have my heart set on something i can succeed.
Those months were such a challenge for me, but it made me stronger and truer to myself than ever.
I know how i want to be loved, how i want things to change, how i can be the woman of my life without expecting someone to be the love of my life.
I am the love of my life.
And i am not everything i wished i would be, i'm imperfect, trying to find balance, but that's ok, i can grow now, i can let myself be who i am without questioning it all the time.
May you find peace within yourself, and may you love yourself more than anyone could.
